Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
