i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
