can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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