I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
