Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
