i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
