Non-Jews are for practice
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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