I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
