It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
