she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
