...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
