Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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