Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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