glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
