Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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