3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
