I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
