Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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