Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
