I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
