I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
