Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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