Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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