I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
