Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
