wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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