If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
