i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
