the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
why is half of my head shaved?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
