there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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