Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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