She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
