last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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