I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
