It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
