I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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