my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
