Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
