What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
