okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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