God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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