It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
