i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
