Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
