I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
