i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
