this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
