her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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