I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
