and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
