mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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