I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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