He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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